Rheumatoid Arthritis Treatment and Psychological Reversals

I am pleased to present an article by Sue Hannibal on how resolving past trauma can help heal autoimmune diseases, such as rheumatoid arthritis. She addresses common blocks to healing called psychological reversals and what to do about them. Energetic work of this type is not always necessary to heal arthritis, but if you have been “doing everything right” and still aren’t healing, working with someone skilled, like Sue, might be just what you need.

Why People Don’t Heal

By Sue Hannibal, medical intuitive healer

eraseptsd@aol.com

760-420-9897

www.guidedhealing.com

The web site is now up and running, Thank you for your patience. For those of you considering EFT as a healing tool, you can see it in action on the home page. A video clip posted there features an Iraq veteran self-healing having witnessed a murder/suicide at age 10, which triggered his PTSD from Iraq.

There are many reasons why people don’t heal. Some blocks to healing are emotional or spiritual and can be overcome. Sometimes illnesses have genetic components that resist healing until gene therapies advance. Emotional blocks to healing can be subconscious or conscious. Here are some examples of blocks to healing that I find frequently during intuitive readings on clients with autoimmune illnesses.

Probably the most common block to healing is psychological reversal, which literally means one’s energy runs backwards or scrambles when one thinks about healing. A client will say in all sincerity that they want to heal, but when I energy test the veracity of that statement, their body contradicts their stated intention when tested with applied kinesiology, also known as “muscle testing.” That doesn’t mean they’re lying, it means there is an inner conflict that needs to be settled before their body/mind will align itself with healing.

Psychological reversals are common in people trying to lose weight. If their body/mind knows that the last time they were thin or small or attractive, bad things happened, the body/mind will keep them heavy to protect them and help them survive. When clearing reversals, part of the process is to address the body/mind to say some version of, “thank you for protecting me with all this protective weight. I’m an adult and I can protect myself now, you can go off-duty, I’ll handle it from here…” With an autoimmune disease, the energetic signatures are usually more unique to the individual, but at any rate, as we learned with the ACE Study in my first article in this series, long-term stress and unresolved trauma can cause the immune system and body to break down.

I look at psychological reversals as a disagreement between the mind and heart or soul. This is where secondary gain commonly shows up. Secondary gain means getting mileage out of being sick and frequently involves manipulating and controlling others to cater to the one who is sick. Maybe someone only got attention that felt like love from a parent when they were sick, so they use their illness to get attention from others. That pattern, if it goes on long enough, invites the victim/martyr archetype to take hold, further strengthening the hold of the illness.

Psychological reversals need to be cleared before healing can move forward, whether there is a physical illness or an emotional problem. Reversals can be general, sort of one-size-fits –all, such as “I don’t deserve to be healed” or unique to the individual, such as “My husband will leave me if I get well.” Here’s a partial list of some of the most common general reversals:

I don’t want to heal/change. ( The number one reversal, resistance to change, even positive change.)

It’s not right for me to heal.

I don’t deserve to heal.

Bad things will happen if I heal.

I won’t allow myself to heal.

I won’t do what I have to do to heal. (This is the self-sabotage reversal.)

I’ll have to step up to the plate and take control of my life if I heal.

I’m afraid of how my life will change if I heal.

I’ll have to forgive people in order to heal.

I’m too angry to heal.

I need to punish myself.

I need to punish others.

Other people won’t like it if I heal.

Things might get worse if I heal.

People won’t take care of me anymore if I heal.

I don’t know how to get over this.

It’s impossible for me to heal.

If any of these reversals resonate, take it one step further. Go inner, and ask yourself this diagnostic question: “What or who does this issue remind me of?” The answer indicates what you might need to heal and forgive to stop the ongoing damage to your body/mind that is created when we carry negative emotional baggage.

EFT and energy healing techniques reboot the body/mind. Anything you can do to relieve the toxic emotional or physical load will support healing.

If anyone missed the free 5-page list of diagnostic metaphors mentioned in my second column, please send me an email with the word “metaphors” in the subject line.

For more information about rheumatoid arthritis treatment.

Rheumatoid Arthritis Treatment: Resolving Unresolved Trauma

In my last two blog posts, guest author Sue Hannibal has written about the overwhelming scientific evidence that unresolved stress and trauma, even from many years ago, is linked to autoimmune diseases, such as rheumatoid arthritis. She has also explained why conventional counseling and psychotherapy often give clients the ability to cope better with the trauma, but often do not heal the underlying trauma.

In this weeks newsletter Sue explains how resolving stress and trauma can lead to healing at the level of the digestive system including healing adverse reactions to certain foods.

This is important because, although many of the adverse reactions to food and chemicals that underlie of arthritis can be often be healed by totally avoiding all trigger foods and chemicals for about 6 months, in some cases, mine included, it also takes resolving deep-seated emotional reactions, to clear up all of these adverse reactions.

My resolution came through several years of vipassana meditation practice, including intensive weeks of meditation while on meditation retreats. I still highly recommend meditation, but if you desire quicker results, you might also consider working with someone like Sue, who has the skills to guide you through the healing process.

Food Sensitivities, Auto-Immune Disease and Unhealed Trauma—Is There a Connection?

By Sue Hannibal, medical intuitive healer

www.guidedhealing.com

eraseptsd@aol.com

760-420-9897 cell

Studies have shown that chronic stress affects everything from your gums to your heart and can lower your immunity to everything from the common cold to cancer. In the 1930s researcher Hans Selye first coined the term "stress" to describe the damaging effects that the stress hormone cortisol had on the long-term health of rats. The rest, as they say, is history.

Cortisol overload is one of the main players in the stress-illness connection, although it plays a necessary role, with other hormones such as epinephrine ("adrenaline") and norepinephrine, in helping us cope with short-term threats. These hormones boost heart rate, increase respiration, and increase the availability of glucose (cellular fuel) in the blood, thereby triggering the famous "fight or flight" reaction. However, cortisol simultaneously shuts down or slows down digestion, reproduction, physical growth, and some aspects of the immune system.

When occasions to fight or flee are infrequent and threats pass quickly, the body's stress thermostat adjusts accordingly, but problems occur when stress is chronic, as the ACE Study proves with childhood trauma. Chronic stress can cause the brain and body to get stuck on the fear response and continually perceive stress even if it isn't really there.

That’s what happened to my client, a 30-something woman I’ll call “Cindy.”

Barbara Allan’s brilliant work has shown us that there is indeed a gut-level connection between food sensitivities, leaky gut syndrome, and auto-immune illnesses. “Cindy” came to me because she was 80 pounds overweight, couldn’t attract or maintain a healthy relationship with a man, and had major emotional baggage from a critical, emotionally abusive father and a passive-aggressive mother.

As we worked our way through the layers of trauma, fear, hurt, shame, humiliation, rejection, sadness and abandonment embedded in her body/mind, one day she mentioned an allergy reaction to onions and tomatoes that she’s had since childhood.

I glanced at the intuitive reading I had done for her a few weeks earlier and noted recurrent themes of anxiety, feeling unsafe to “be,” a desire to be invisible, needing to be perfect etc. I said, “Tell me… what was it like at the dinner table growing up in your house?” She grimaced and replied, “Generally, chaos.”

I asked her to bring to mind a typical traumatic memory of chaos at the dinner table and she came up with a memory from about age 12, where her brother said something her father didn’t like so the father stood up, began screaming threats and profanity and swept half the dishes off the table. I asked her to rate the emotional intensity of that memory in a number from 0-10 with 10 being very intense and to name the emotion. She said in a trembling voice, “10 and it’s dread and terror.” I said, “Where do you feel that dread and terror in your body?” She pointed to her stomach, abdomen and throat. “Do you remember what was on the menu that night?” “Spaghetti.”

Using the EFT Movie Technique to shield her from the pain of re-living that scene, I said, “If that incident was a movie, what would be the title?” She answered, “The end of the world.”

We did several rounds of EFT acupressure tapping which took about 15 minutes until the movie, narrated by her and guided by me, was down to a zero and the blocked fear energy in her torso and throat released. I asked Cindy to replay the scene in her mind like a videotape from start to finish, and to stop and tell me if any of the scenes still had a charge. She closed her eyes for a long moment. When she opened them she looked confused and a bit bewildered. She said, “It’s like looking at a movie I’m not in. It feels detached and sort of distant. My father’s mouth is moving, but nothing is coming out!”

I refilled Cindy’s water glass and observed that spaghetti sauce is made with tomatoes and onions. Two weeks later Cindy reported that as a test she ordered Italian food at a restaurant, and had no allergic symptoms.

I don’t know of any research on this point, but in my experience with hundreds of traumatized people, moments of extreme shock and/or trauma imprint on the body/mind like a multi-dimensional stamp. Certain people, objects, sounds, foods and other stimulus become part of the trauma memory. Vietnam veterans commonly report anxiety when they hear a helicopter. A woman sexually abused by her father was allergic to wool because there was a wool blanket on her bed at the time of the abuse. The brain apparently imports the 3-D memory and sears it into a brain flooded with stress chemicals that cause an auto-repeat trauma response or allergy when the same or similar stimulus is experienced, until that trauma is neutralized.

Barbara Allen is the author of the best selling book, Conquering Arthritis.

Visit her website for effective rheumatoid arthritis treatment info.

Rheumatoid Arthritis Treatment: Resolving Trauma from the Past

HOW RESOLVING EMOTIONAL CHARGED ISSUES FROM THE PAST CAN REDUCE OR ELIMINATE INFLAMMATION

Medical studies clearly show that trauma and/or stress, even years before, is associated with developing autoimmune diseases, including rheumatoid arthritis.

Below, author Sue Hannibal goes on to explain why traditional psychotherapeutic and medical treatments often do not have the power to heal these old unhealed traumas or the havoc they are still causing.

Sue goes on to describe how the kind of work clients do with her can reduce or eliminate pain and inflammation by resolving emotionally charged issues from the past.

If you have done everything you know physically (diet, exercise, appropriate use of arthritis drugs and nutritional supplements) to heal your arthritis, and you are still not healing, you might want to consider working with someone like Sue who is skilled at helping locate and resolve issues that might be keeping your arthritis from healing.

CAN STRESS FROM UNHEALED TRAUMA CAUSE AUTO-IMMUNE DISEASES? SCIENCE SAYS YES.

By Sue Hannibal, medical intuitive healer
www.guidedhealing.com

Traditional psychotherapeutic approaches to trauma and PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) which focus on cognitive “restructuring” and insights too often supply clients with coping skills for their pain instead of healing.

Likewise, medical treatments that do not diagnose and heal the cause but instead rely on symptom suppressing medications and treatments that do not also address the mind and spirit do not cure.

The connection between chronic stress and excessive cortisol output that is fueled by unhealed trauma is an important physical pre-cursor of autoimmune diseases such as diabetes and arthritis.

When I begin work with a client, either on the phone or in person, the first session includes a spiritually guided, highly accurate written intuitive reading or “scan,” knowing only the client’s name and age.

It’s necessary to begin with a scan because body/mind healing cannot manifest without first identifying and healing the deepest root cause(s), which can originate in prior trauma in adulthood, childhood, birth, the womb or a past life.

My clients have found keys to healing deep emotional wounds that triggered physical illness including arthritis and other autoimmune diseases, in one or more of these primary sources.

“Jane,” age 49, was referred to me by her psychiatrist, who suspected that her chaotic childhood held the emotional roots of her arthritis, heart disease and depression. Her rheumatologist had her on steroids and other anti-inflammatory drugs, and her psychiatrist had prescribed an anti-depressant and anti-anxiety drug cocktail. She also had a heart condition; a broken heart, metaphorically speaking.

While I was doing her scan in another room, I asked Jane to write a “trauma timeline,” which is a chronological account of one’s emotional history, to include traumatic events, including any brushes with death or a perception that one would die, phobias, abuse/victimization, terror, and any of the five main emotional wounds that happened to her or that she witnessed:

• Abandonment
• Betrayal
• Humiliation
• Injustice
• Rejection

The reading revealed themes of abandonment, rejection, betrayal, “deer-in-the-headlights” terror, a broken heart, abuse of her, her siblings and mother by her alcoholic father, a failure of the mother to protect her, and a decision made at about age 7-8 that she must not be good enough to be loved because even God had abandoned her, therefore she must try to be perfect to survive.

This is a typical conclusion of trauma seen through a child’s eyes. They think whatever happens to them or in the family is somehow their fault, i.e., “I prayed to God to stop Daddy from hurting me but He didn’t, so I must have deserved it. Even God has abandoned me….”

Jane was literally shaking with rage, resentment and grief as she told me about the abuse she and her siblings suffered at the hands of their father, and resentment of a mother who couldn’t protect her children.

Metaphorical diagnosis:

Jane’s decades of helplessness, terror, overwhelm, pain, sadness, grief, resentment, and grudge-holding produced deep bitterness which can be thought of metaphorically as a “stiffening of the spirit.”

Angry words are said to be “inflammatory.”

Online message boards prohibit “flaming” which is angry, disrespectful put-downs of others.

Metaphorically speaking, anger/rage is hot, red, and burns us and those we direct it at.

Think “red, inflamed angry-looking infected wound.” “So angry I was seeing red... steam was coming out of his ears…How dare you! That really burns me up! I’ll never forgive you for that!”

We worked our way through her trauma timeline, neutralizing painful memories with EFT, the Emotional Freedom Technique.

As the terror, sadness and smoldering resentments released, Jane began to rescue and recover left-behind childhood parts of herself.

As we brought more parts of her into the safety of present time, the inflammation began to recede and her pain diminished weekly.

At this date Jane is nearly pain-free and off her anti-depressants.

To receive a free five-page copy of common diagnostic metaphors, send an email to ErasePTSD@aol.com and put “Metaphors “ in the subject line.

Barbara Allan is author of the best-selling book, Conquering Arthritis. For more info on effective rheumatoid arthritis treatment visit arthritis articles.

Arthritis: The Role of Stress and Childhood Trauma

I work with many people seeking to heal arthritis. Sometimes what people need to get well is only more effective physical treatments that get to the root causes of arthritis.

Sometimes, however, they also need to do a different type of healing work, in addition.
http://www.conqueringarthritis.com/articles/whogetswell.htm

Sue Hannibal, who has written the article below, is someone skilled in helping others clear trauma from the past, which when unhealed can block healing from arthritis and other chronic health conditions.

This type of work is not necessary for everyone with arthritis, but if you have “done everything right” and are still not healing, or if you have experienced significant abuse, trauma, or stress at some time in your life, even years ago, you may benefit from working with someone like Sue.


“Is There a Connection Between Autoimmune Disease, Chronic Stress and Childhood Trauma?
By Susan Hannibal, medical intuitive healer
www.guidedhealing.com

According to the landmark ACE Study, Adverse Childhood Experiences, (www.acestudy.org), the connection is unmistakable.

In 1992, doctors at Kaiser Hospital in San Diego, CA and the federal Centers for Disease Control began a
collaborative and still on-going study that would eventually involve over 17,000 people in the Wellness Program at Kaiser and offer solid evidence of the connection between unhealed childhood trauma and chronic, life-threatening illness in adulthood.

The study began when the head of Kaiser’s preventive medicine dept, Dr. Vincent Felitti, began to investigate why patients were dropping out of his successful weight-loss program.

What he found stunned him, because in over 30 years of medical practice, he had only dealt with two cases of incest and thought that childhood sexual abuse was rare.

The ACE Study showed otherwise.

The ACE study only gathered data on life-threatening diseases, but a later study by Dr. Felitti and several other researchers, Cumulative Childhood Stress and Autoimmune Diseases in Adults, concluded “childhood traumatic stress increased the likelihood of hospitalization with a diagnosed autoimmune disease decades into adulthood.

These findings are consistent with recent biological studies on the impact of early life
stress on subsequent inflammatory responses.”
http://www.psychosomaticmedicine.org/cgi/content/abstract/71/2/243

There is evidence from animal studies that shows many diseases show up months or years after a
period of extreme stress: the death of a spouse or parent, being in an abusive marriage or job, a divorce, etc.

In some sensitive people, a single shocking life event such as a brush with death can overwhelm the
nervous system and jumpstart an autoimmune reaction.

After sifting through the data from 17,000 extensive questionnaires, the researchers developed the
following short quiz, reprinted here from the www.acestudy.org web site. Scoring is on a graded
scale; the higher your score, the greater your exposure to childhood trauma, and the greater your chances of developing life-threatening illness in adulthood.

FINDING YOUR ACE SCORE

While you were growing up, during
your first 18 years of life:

1. Did a parent or other adult in the household often or very often…
Swear at you, insult you, put you down, or humiliate you?
or
Act in a way that made you afraid that you might be physically hurt?

Yes No If yes enter 1 ________

2. Did a parent or other adult in the household often or very often…
Push, grab, slap, or throw something at you?
or
Ever hit you so hard that you had marks or were injured?

Yes No If yes enter 1 ________

3. Did an adult or person at least 5 years older than you ever…
Touch or fondle you or have you touch their body in a sexual way?
or
Attempt or actually have oral, anal, or vaginal intercourse with you?
Yes No If yes enter 1 ________

4. Did you often or very often feel that …
No one in your family loved you or thought you were important or special?
or
Your family didn’t look out for each other, feel close to each other, or support each other?

Yes No If yes enter 1 ________

5. Did you often or very often feel that …
You didn’t have enough to eat, had to wear dirty clothes, and had no one to protect you?
or
Your parents were too drunk or high to take care of you or take you to the doctor if you needed
it?

Yes No If yes enter 1 ________

6. Were your parents ever separated or divorced?

Yes No If yes enter 1 ________

7. Was your mother or stepmother:
Often or very often pushed, grabbed, slapped, or had something thrown at her?
or
Sometimes, often, or very often kicked, bitten, hit with a fist, or hit with something hard?
or
Ever repeatedly hit at least a few minutes or threatened with a gun or knife?

Yes No If yes enter 1 ________

8. Did you live with anyone who was a problem drinker or alcoholic or who used street drugs?

Yes No If yes enter 1 ________

9. Was a household member depressed or mentally ill, or did a household member attempt suicide?

Yes No If yes enter 1 ________

10. Did a household member go to prison?

Yes No If yes enter 1 _______

Now add up your “Yes” answers: _______ This is your ACE Score.

Rheumatoid Arthritis Treatment - Seven Steps for Initiating Healing

"For to those who have, more will be given, and they will have an abundance; but from those who have nothing, even what they have will be taken away." Matthew 13:12
When it comes to health, the last part, "but from those who have nothing, even what they have will be taken away", is painfully true. For instance, according to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention, 51 percent of adults with diabetes also have arthritis, 55 percent of adults with heart disease also have arthritis, 48 percent of adults with high blood pressure also have arthritis and 45 percent of adults with high cholesterol also have arthritis.
Once one aspect of our health goes wrong, many other aspect often follow. So if this is you, what can you do? How can become one of the "those who have" and to whom "more will be given"?
The answer is to take small steps to improve your health. Each small step makes you one who has and one to whom more shall be given.
Seven Sensible Steps for Effective Rheumatoid Arthritis Treatment
1. If you have rheumatoid arthritis, take your joints through their full range of motion each day. That helps you retain the mobility you still have and over time expand your mobility.
2. Working within your daily and your moment by moment limits, do what you can to increase your muscle strength, which will also help protect your joints and make it more possible for you to exercise. If your mobility is limited you might begin by doing isotonic exercises you can do sitting or laying down.
3. Especially if you are already weak, you might need to then do simple weight lifting at home. The book Strong Women Stay Young by Miriam Nelson offers and excellent at home program for both men and women that works wonders for even the frail in nursing homes. An at home weight lifting program can often make a profound difference in your ability to walk and to later on to enjoy other exercise. And if you are still relatively strong, you will also get stronger and better able to function.
4. If you are overweight, lose weight. Even losing only 10 pounds can decrease joint pain significantly. Losing weight and eating a healthy diet can also dramatically cut your risk of diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure and high cholesterol, which helps stop and even reverse a downward spiraling of your health.
5. If you are experiencing inflammation (everyone with active arthritis has inflammation), take the ALCAT blood test ( http://www.conqueringarthritis.com/alcat/index.htm ) to identify and eliminate dietary and environmental triggers. The specific foods and chemicals that trigger inflammation vary from person to person and can vary over time even for the same person. That is why it is important to be individually tested for what you are reacting against now, not some time in the past. That is also why you can't rely on anyone elses list of what triggers arthritis. You are unique. You must know and eliminate your unique triggers, the ones that are operative right now.
6. If you have a good relationship with your family treasure it and strengthen it. If you don't, do what you can to heal those relationships or create others that are supportive. Healthy relationships support physical health. For example, The American Pain Associated recently released a study showing (not surprisingly) that strong marriages enhance functioning for rheumatoid arthritis patients.
7. Find a spiritual practice that appeals to you and make time for it in your life. The greatest spiritual masters are the greatest healers. For example, the Buddha is called the Great Physician. Jesus is known for his healing. Every spiritual tradition comes with its own healing tradition.
Let Barbara Allan, author of the book Conquering Arthritis, help you find effective rheumatoid arthritis treatment options.

Guided Meditations - Is a Bare Bones Style the Best?

What is Meditation?

What people mean when they say guided meditation can be almost as variable as what people mean when they use the word meditation. If you don't ask, you might be quite surprised at what someone actually means.

For some people meditation means creative visualization, targeted thinking, systematic relaxation of muscles, sitting still without talking, or any number of other activities. For our purposes here, none of these activities qualify as meditation.

For our purposes here, what does qualify is a special kind of attention that makes it possible to radically retrain your relationship to pain.

I teach this special kind of attention because it is the kind of meditation that has so transformed my life, even though for years I used an electric wheelchair to get around, I am now arthritis-free.

I can't guarantee these meditations will have the same kind of profound outcome for you, but that is my hope. It is the best way I know to have such an undistracted experience of yourself that you are able to experience the gift of deep and often impossible seeming levels of healing.

Benefits of Being Only With What Is

Because I am not intending to induce in you any transient feel-good states, I don't include any feel good music on my guided meditation CDs. During our guided meditations together, I had rather you have a direct and focused experience of whatever you are spontaneously experiencing in that moment. The last thing I want to do is use external distraction, even if it is pleasant, to distract you from experiencing yourself.

One woman was initially quite disappointed when she started using my anger guided meditation CD. She was expecting beautiful music and beautiful words to help her not feel angry anymore. The last thing she wanted was to be more in contact with her anger. She was in the middle of a difficult divorce. Her anger was intense. Despite her disappointment, however, she decided to use the anger guided meditation CD every night for several weeks.

By the end of that time she had had a change of heart. She contacted me to get another set of the CDs. The ongoing experience of being with her anger without making it bad or wrong and without needing to act on it, was changing her life. She was feeling the benefits so strongly that she spontaneously gave her anger CD to a friend who was also going through a tough time. After just a few days, she missed the anger guided meditations CD enough that she wanted a copy for herself again.

She still didn't particularly like the fact that the anger guided meditation CD brought her into deeper contact with her anger, but she loved how the rest of her life was gradually changing for the better because of doing this work.

Temporary Versus Long Term Transformation

If you want a guided meditation that will make you feel temporarily better every time you use it, you will probably not initially like my CD set, especially if you are in intense emotional or physical pain. What you are likely to experience is not distraction from your pain but a clearer, less distracted experience of that pain. This isn't always pleasant. However, these practices do create ideal conditions for radical transformation and healing.

No matter what your initial expectations are, I encourage you to make at least a several week commitment to listening to these CDs, so that you too can begin to experience their healing potential.

Let Barbara Allan help you find effective arthritis treatment for your reactive arthritis or rheumatoid arthritis. Check out Barbara's 6 CD guided meditation set!

Arthritis Drug Class 2: Analgesics

Are you taking acetaminophen or Tylenol for your arthritis pain? There are some facts you should know about these medications. To watch the full Arthritis Drug Guide video visit: http://www.lastingarthritisrelief.com/

Arthritis Drug Class 1: NSAIDs

Are you taking aspirin or Celebrex for your arthritis pain? There are some facts you should know about these medications. To watch the full Arthritis Drug Guide video visit: http://www.lastingarthritisrelief.com/

Arthritis Treatment Blood Test

Find your problem food and substances the easy way and begin healing your Arthritis today! http://www.conqueringarthritis.com/alcat/ And to view the full video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXUv4X6UNSk

Do Conventional Arthritis Treatments Work?

This is part of Barbara Allan's Arthritis Drug Guide. To watch the full video and get a copy of her Arthritis Drug Guide visit: http://lastingarthritisrelief.com/

Challenge and Joy in Resuming Martial Arts Training

This week ( mid July 2010) I resumed my martial arts training in the Ten No Kishi dojo.

In March 2009 I tore my hamstring overstretching after a challenging series of workouts. That stopped my training for many months.

In Sept 2009 I retore my hamstring attempting to do more that my still recovering muscle was able to do. That stopped my training for many months.

In Nov 2010 I retore my my hamstring once again stretching. That stopped my training for many months.

After that I decided to work out only on my own, with the firm intent, not to overtax my hamstring. That part worked. No reinjuries. Slow but real gains in the strength of my hamstring and the load it can now handle.

Now the real test begins. I love working out in a group, but taking care not to overstrain a muscle that is still in recovery is not easy for me in that setting.

To begin with moderation is not easy for me. Taking it easy is not easy for me. Remembering to work only within my limits is not easy for me if I don’t have any pain to remind me that I am approaching a limit. All three times I ripped my hamstring there was no pain until after it ripped.

Especially when I am in a group, I forget I am still at some level injured. I want to do everything I have always been able to do before and more. I see the most skillful students in the group doing things that look fun and I desire to do exactly what they are doing. It isn’t easy to remember that right now I can’t kick higher than knee level and I can’t snap my kicks. My hamstring isn’t strong enough for that yet.

Yet…it is so joyful to working out in the dojo again. It is even joyful (but challenging) to find a new way of being within group workout that allow me to develop a softer, more fluid style, one that is easier and more respectful of my body, one that is grounded at all times in my body and its needs.